If I get anymore confused with how my wife intends on living her life right now I think I am going to completely loose my mind. Everything has been fine for a week, no arguments, disagreements, or anything else that would instigate coming home from class to an angry wife that wanted me out of the house.

I tried to pry but that only made things worse, but I think its the same lecture as before, she is unhappy with the way her life has turned out. (Because at the age of 27 she is nearing retirement and has nothing to show?!?) She didn’t want me to be there but doesn’t want me to stay cause if she kicked me out she would feel guilty if something happened to me. Or at least she is telling me this at 2am. I finally grew tired and couldn’t get her to come back to bed so I said fuck it and left.

I come back at 10am and things are slightly better, she is saying “I love you” again, but still has a chip on her shoulder. I am working so hard to bite my tongue and just say “yes dear” to everything…, not virtually everything…, literally everything. All in an attempt at making her happy…, this must not be what she wants cause obviously she just has this one mean bone in her that has to get in at least one fight a week.

The best I can hear for grounds to divorce from her is so petty I want to slap her upside the head and say “wake up, this isn’t neverland”. I left a sock on the floor, a cup next to the computer, I put my hand under my head pointing my elbow in her direction while I sleep…, these are her grounds for divorce! I could tell her so many things wrong with her argument but that is just fuel for the fire and I am forced to ignore it.

All of this is taking a toll on my head though.  I am not able to concentrate on my studies as much as I wanted, and even a normal concentration with her my brain is working over time just trying to think of a politically correct, grammaticaly tolerant, user-friendly, statement which doesn’t trigger another arguement.

I love my wife, but if this keeps up she is going to kill me.

Not even a day later and my wife takes me back as nothing had happened. Except now she is very paranoid about me coming to “visit”. Always watching to see if the manager is watching and doesn’t want me to leave after a certain time of night.

I have tried to assure her that no matter what the bitch can’t control how we live. If she honestly believes that there are more people than allowed living in the apartment then go about it another way. I think no matter what I am going to find a storage facility to find a place to store my belongings until I get a place of my own. This will also make it easier on me if my wife has another relapse and decides she doesn’t want me around anymore.

Came home to my wife today and noticed a letter taped to the door.  I took it off as I walked in and gave it to my wife as we read it together I noticed it was a note addressed to my wife and didn’t pay too much attention.  Then my wife comes back and asks me what the word “evicted” meant.  I took to note and quickly read it over.

Dohee;

We are going to file legal documents with the superior court to have you evicted.  You need to call me right away.

Vivian

If that isn’t a kick in the balls I don’t know what is.  Not just the fact that she gave no reason and left the note on the door, but my wife was home all day and she didn’t even make an attempt to ring the bell and talk to my wife face-to-face.

I explained, then my wife called.  According to the manager, she went through our mailbox and saw that there was mail in there for people whose name was not on the lease.  Then she talked to the mailman and he told her that we filed a complaint about not recieving all our mail.  (I talked to him personally, was very friendly and explained to put all mail in the box, after my father had mail addressed to my wife returned to him)

Now my wife is irrate, and I am back on the street because some worthless bitch wants to commit a federal crime and rifle through her tenants mailbox.  Just when I am starting to get somewhere with my wife, she buts in and fucks it up.  I tried to explain that what she did was illegal to my wife and that she can’t prove that I live here, I might visit a lot, but I don’t live here.  Bottom line is that I don’t either.

Now I am back to square one with my wife calling her lawyer about the divorce cause we got in a fight over this.  I just hope that her mother shows up soon so that they can buy a house and get out of this hell hole.  I was even looking for a house myself.  If my wife is earning an income as well, we can easily afford the mortgage.  Now I have to start all over and try to woo her back.  My biggest problem with her is so gets soo mad so easily and she won’t admit after the fact that she was wrong, or said something in anger and will follow it through.  She is the most stubborn person I have ever met, and I married her.

You can’t have your ying without the yang. Karma does have its rebounds. The down side is in my life there is no grey area, or time spent in between. Its really bad…, or really good. After having so many days on the bad side, I have been well overdue for a good one. Today was that day!

I haven’t been sleeping well for the past week or so, mainly cause I am still a little shaken up from my car being broken into while I was inside, and I wake up to every little noise. This morning I only woke up once, and that was at 4am (7am in New York) cause my father sent me a text message telling me that my cousin had her baby. After going back to sleep I managed to sleep in until 9am. Which I haven’t done in months, so already I feel extra energized and rested.

I decided to try a different gym, as with my membership I can go to any 24 Hour Fitness center. The one I went to was a lot bigger and had a lot more showers where the one I had been using only had one shower. This meant I wasn’t as rushed and could just stand under the hot water and relax a little for a minute before getting out.

Then I went to the mall and walked around, stopped by the Hallmark store to buy an “I love you” card for my wife and my card was rejected, which I am playing off as a good thing. I was a little hesitant in buying the card and my wife hates me spending money and I wasn’t sure she would appreciate it much. Them refusing my card also threw up a red flag telling me to check my bank account and most other places would of charged my card anyway. (Later I learned that my insurance payment went through and it brought my account lower than I thought, but still positive).

Then at 3pm I went to my in-laws house and thought I was taking my daughter for the day, but due to my father-in-law taking the car I had no car seat and they left me to watch my daughter in their house. I was a little uncomfortable to do this but it turned out to be better cause my daughter fell asleep shortly after I got there and I didn’t have to spend any money to go somewhere.

After my wife got off work, her parents dropped her off then left leaving the house to the three of us, which we were able to sit down and eat like a family. Taking into consideration the deal me and my wife had worked out last night we took our first night of starting over.

Being able to hug and kiss my wife like a married couple, for the first time in over three months felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had a grin you couldn’t remove with a blow-torch. My daughter woke up for a little while after my wife got home and then went back to sleep so we were able to spend some time one-on-one with each other and talk. I gave her a massage as she was very tired and sore from working as her body is not use to working like she did. In the process of me giving her the massage she made the comment that she liked “boyfriend” better than “husband”, which I corrected her per our agreement that we would still call each other husband and wife. Other than that there were no disagreements, everyone was happy and I felt like I did when I was married, living in Tennessee, and didn’t have a brother-in-law living with us.

If nothing else this entire situation is an eye opener and allowing me to understand what my wife wants out of life. I am just sorry I had to go through all of this to realize it.

Of course the perfect day could end without a kiss, and my wife telling me she loves me.

I had sent my wife a text message mid-day yesterday asking to talk in which she agreed easily. Then when the time came she explained that she was too tired and canceled on me. Which I suppose I can understand that she feels tired, but too tired to talk? Its not her first day doing this new job either so she should have been able to evaluate if she would be too tired to talk, or at least not cancel so close to the time we planned on meeting each other. Actually she canceled an hour later, but she has never been on time for anything.

I should play her game and throw this in her face for the next month until I get something else but that would serve no purpose.

Sometimes I think that I would be better off without her. I won’t have someone that would point out my every flaw as if we were competing with each other on a daily basis. My self-esteem would sky rocket and I could very possibly be happier with just about anyone. For some reason though…, my heart goes out to her. She is also the mother of my only child.  Is this worth continueing my life like this?  Miserable and depressed from someone that is continuously berating me?  Right now, my mind says no, but my heart says yes.