I can’t believe I am 30 years old today…., However my wife has been kind enough to remind me of today since my last birthday.  The day started off slow and I began my regular routine.  Which after an hour or so I slammed my computer shut and took off out the door.

Found a geocache, and hid my first geocache.  I thought it was a clever hide as I have never heard of a cache hid in this fashion.  I found the location by luck.  I was surprised even more when I got the notification alert on my cell phone tonight as well.

My wife managed to get off work early around 5pm so that we could go out and spend the evening together.  Even though it was my birthday I told my wife that I had already got everything I want, time with her.  I let her pick the resturant.  She didn’t want to spend much money as I believe she thinks that I am on the verge of starving.  She picked a Chinese Buffet.

One of the things that seperate me and my wife is that she always, not matter what thinks about the future.  Depending on the day or the occasion I try to think about the moment.  Such as a birthday or anniversary, I try to do everything I can to enjoy the day and make it a memorable experience.  She made a joke about having lobster but after a quick leacture from her about saving money we decided on the buffet.

It was a quiet yet simple dinner.  My daughter got a little excited when she saw the gumball machines which I only had 3 quarters I let her have them and she got a Dora sticker, with a little persuastion.  After dinner we drove around hopelessly trying to spend some time together talking without a destination.  After about 20 minutes my wife pulls out her mothers GPS and we decided on the Marina in Martinez.

At the marina everything is dark and we could only see a couple boats.  Don’t quite know what we expected to see there but the main focus of the night was to drive around and talk, which we did.

After an hour or so of driving around we went back to her mothers house where she basically told her parents that it was my birthday and I was spending the night.  I could tell when she got to the me staying part as her father let out a loud, childish, sigh.  Loud enough to let everyone in the room to hear and know exactly how he felt about the idea.  I was both annoyed that he was upset with the idea, yet amused that he would act like that at the same time.  My wife grabbed me by the arm and pushed me into her room, telling me to just ignore him, knowing that I was slightly offended by her father as this is not the first time he has done something like this.  I suppose tonight was a little more stressful for my in-laws as they were fighting with each other and the sigh was more than likely him feeling like everyone was pushing his buttons today.

I got to put my daughter to bed and then stayed up a little longer talking things with my wife and all said and done, considering the circumstances today was the best I could of hoped for.  Simple, pleasant, and chearful.  I got to spend it with the people who matter most to me, and everything ended on good terms.  Well, her father has always been this way, so he is easily ignored.

I have noticed something in the past couple days that has changed with my daughter since my wife first brought her to San Francisco.  Before, I would ask my daughter for a hug and she would give one without fail, then would quickly back off and want to go play again.  If I tried to force a longer hug she would put up a struggle and fight back.

Now it feels as if the tables have turned.  I don’t even ask, as soon as I pick her up I get a hug…, a very very long hug.  Almost enough to make me feel emotional espically considering the most recent circumstances between me and my wife.

Last night I arrived at my wifes house and stayed downstairs and waited for her to come down with my daughter.  Underneath the open balcony door I could hear my daughter screaming for several minute prior to my wife calling me.  She had called to tell me that we can’t go anywhere because my daughter doesn’t want to leave.  I told my wife to take my daughter to the window and show her that I am here.  My wife hung up and then shortly after I hear my daughters screams getting closer to the window then instantly stop as soon as her eyes lock onto me.

I have an older half-sister, whom I have met only a handful of times in my life.  Despite sharing the same father she has never considered herself a part of my family, which might lead to why I am so feared of divorce.  That said I am (or at least have been treated so) as the oldest child in my family.  My father is the oldest as well, so this makes me the oldest grandchild too.  In short just about in everyway I am the oldest, in such a large family I have been around babies and little kids my entire life.  Its possible that because I have been around kids so much that I know how to handle them, and primarily how to entertain them.  I have a sister who is also my age, and two cousin that are close, but my sister has always secluded herself from everyone selling herself as being better than god himself, and the two cousins have passed away.  Leaving me the oldest, or in their eyes, the giant at the kids table at thanksgiving.

I think my wife sees things with my daughter as a chore and a task.  Such as putting on her shoes, or washing her face.  She will take my daughter into the bathroom set her on the counter next to the sink, soap her face, then rinse.  The entire time my daughter is screaming and fighting.

I will carry my daughter upside down into the bathroom, set her on the counter next to the sink, splash her face with water then tickle her under the chin, and something to make her happy and interested in me long enough so she expects more while I wash her face.  I cover my hands in soap, poke her in the nose, then wave my hands like I plan on performing a magic trick then scrub her face.  She smiles and laughs the entire time, then I follow through the exact same way my wife does.  Difference is, I take those extra 5 seconds to play with my daughter and make her happy, and she rewards me for it.

This is no secret in my home, I can get my daughter to do whatever I want (she is two I know this won’t last forever, but it works for now).  I am beginning to wonder if this causes tension between me and my wife.  I knew that the second my daughter knew I was downstairs the crying would stop.  That in her mind she would think that “Daddy is here, I get to play with Daddy”.  When I leave she fights and cries, when my wife is stressed and can’t do something with my daughter I can step in every time and do it quickly and easily, overall I am not your average Daddy.

Would this crush a mothers spirits if Daddy can do it better?  Am I being a dick for even thinking like this?  I don’t know, I do know that I am about to go through a divorce that has no moral support, my wife is mainly doing it to torture me, so everything little thing that happens right now I am over-analyizing everything so I can hopefully figure out what the hell is going on.  I love my wife and my daughter.  It kills me to see that my wife needs some kind of sick and twisted revenge on me for something I am not sure I did.

I do enjoy to nice long hungs from my daughter right now though, I hope they last.

Depending on the day of the week and my mood it may depend on which story I want to tell you about my mother.  Some days I will tell you that the only mother I know is married to my father.  Other days I may just avoid the question all together and say something along the lines that she is dead.  (A great conversation ender and makes it easier to change the subject).  Bottom line, my biological mother is alive and lives in Arizona.  Other than her repeatable failure to being insensitive and rambling on about nothing like, what she is cooking for dinner while you are in the midst of a mid-life crisis, she is not a bad person.  It’s the company she keeps.

Rather more than a decade ago she met her now husband, Brian.  I would give my left nut to see this guy torn limb from limb by a swarm of radioactive squirrels.  Hate, isn’t strong enough to describe the emotion I have for this guy.  Hearing his voice in the background while talking to my mother compels me to hang up on her.  The fact that my mother ignored everyone and married him anyway is probably the biggest thing I dislike about her.

Bottom line, I don’t talk to my mother, don’t care too, and she knows it.

I realize that I may not be the best husband in the world, and lost all eligibility for that title the very second I told my wife to ask her parents to leave our house.  Of all dumb mistakes in my life, that one ranks pretty high on my top ten list.  In a matter of seconds, a muttered phrased shouted in anger, may of changed my life forever.

I thought I patched things up with my wife, before she went to San Francisco.  I guess I was wrong.  The day after Father’s day the postman knocked on my door to serve me divorce papers.

My parents get enough stress as it is. The recent events with my brother doesn’t help matters at all. Since my father’s heart attack several years ago he has been more athletic and tries to do what he can to stay healthy so that he can handle the stress. My brother is on the seventh floor of the hospital and he will take the stairs instead of the elevator for this reason.

Today is my parents anniversary. So my brother nudged them out a little early and they didn’t complain so that they could go and spend some time together on there anniversary. At the elevator my father made a deal with my step-mother. They were going to have a race. She takes the elevator and he takes the stairs.