Lately my wife has been going back and forth with her moods, debating whether or not we should get a divorce.  Today is another zag.  While she is telling me that she thinks its over because of our past I think that its because I was not knocking on her door an hour before the WIC appointment we had at 8:30 this morning.  We made it the appointment 10 minutes early, with all the paperwork, and didn’t have any issues getting our checks.  (This was our first time in California so we had to register as well).

However I am still sleeping in my car, and in order to take a shower I have to drive 5 minutes to the gym, then I have to pack everything back into my trunk, (I fold the seat down lay out a mattress, and am technically halfway sleeping in the trunk) then pack my bag, go into the gym, and hope that there isn’t a line for the one and only shower.  On top of that this will be the only bathroom in which I will be able to brush my teeth and shave in for the day so I have to do that as well.  I roughly give myself an hour, probably could rush it in 30-45 minutes but that would include flossing and shaving (never good to shave in a hurry, you cut yourself or miss spots either way I don’t look like an idiot if I just forget).

I woke up at 7am.  I had to get ready and meet her by 7:30-7:45 so we can install the car seat, plus I had an issue with my laptop last night and it froze causing me to shut it down instead of hibernating so I had to go and google the address again, or….  put on a clean t-shirt and then hose myself down with axe body spray and take a shower after the appointment.  Which gave me lots of time to do everything and I could guarentee we would make it there in time.  So its a choice between an Axe scented funk or re-scheduling this appointment for another month out for the third time in a row (you can guess which choice I picked last month).

Those commericials of the guy spraying himself with Axe just before meeting the chick instead of taking a shower are full of crap.  My wife was mad because she had time to take a shower, but I didn’t even bother.  Um, my bed “is” the back seat of a car.  If I have to take a leak in the middle of the night I have to drive to a nearby gas station, which most of the ones near where I sleep close at 9-10pm.  I think she forgot this…, however by reminding her she felt like I was rubbing it in her face that she could stop it.

All of this combined is a likely chance that set me up for today’s end where she was mad and ready to gouge my eyes out and then slit her own wrist, as the world had officially come to an end.  I spent the better half of the evening trying to calm her down, tell her not matter what I will always love her…, I’m sorry…, blah blah, but what I am thinking is, get over yourself, no one in their right mind argues over such petty differences let along gets a divorce over them.

Hi, my name is mud, and this is my life!

If I get anymore confused with how my wife intends on living her life right now I think I am going to completely loose my mind. Everything has been fine for a week, no arguments, disagreements, or anything else that would instigate coming home from class to an angry wife that wanted me out of the house.

I tried to pry but that only made things worse, but I think its the same lecture as before, she is unhappy with the way her life has turned out. (Because at the age of 27 she is nearing retirement and has nothing to show?!?) She didn’t want me to be there but doesn’t want me to stay cause if she kicked me out she would feel guilty if something happened to me. Or at least she is telling me this at 2am. I finally grew tired and couldn’t get her to come back to bed so I said fuck it and left.

I come back at 10am and things are slightly better, she is saying “I love you” again, but still has a chip on her shoulder. I am working so hard to bite my tongue and just say “yes dear” to everything…, not virtually everything…, literally everything. All in an attempt at making her happy…, this must not be what she wants cause obviously she just has this one mean bone in her that has to get in at least one fight a week.

The best I can hear for grounds to divorce from her is so petty I want to slap her upside the head and say “wake up, this isn’t neverland”. I left a sock on the floor, a cup next to the computer, I put my hand under my head pointing my elbow in her direction while I sleep…, these are her grounds for divorce! I could tell her so many things wrong with her argument but that is just fuel for the fire and I am forced to ignore it.

All of this is taking a toll on my head though.  I am not able to concentrate on my studies as much as I wanted, and even a normal concentration with her my brain is working over time just trying to think of a politically correct, grammaticaly tolerant, user-friendly, statement which doesn’t trigger another arguement.

I love my wife, but if this keeps up she is going to kill me.

Came home to my wife today and noticed a letter taped to the door.  I took it off as I walked in and gave it to my wife as we read it together I noticed it was a note addressed to my wife and didn’t pay too much attention.  Then my wife comes back and asks me what the word “evicted” meant.  I took to note and quickly read it over.

Dohee;

We are going to file legal documents with the superior court to have you evicted.  You need to call me right away.

Vivian

If that isn’t a kick in the balls I don’t know what is.  Not just the fact that she gave no reason and left the note on the door, but my wife was home all day and she didn’t even make an attempt to ring the bell and talk to my wife face-to-face.

I explained, then my wife called.  According to the manager, she went through our mailbox and saw that there was mail in there for people whose name was not on the lease.  Then she talked to the mailman and he told her that we filed a complaint about not recieving all our mail.  (I talked to him personally, was very friendly and explained to put all mail in the box, after my father had mail addressed to my wife returned to him)

Now my wife is irrate, and I am back on the street because some worthless bitch wants to commit a federal crime and rifle through her tenants mailbox.  Just when I am starting to get somewhere with my wife, she buts in and fucks it up.  I tried to explain that what she did was illegal to my wife and that she can’t prove that I live here, I might visit a lot, but I don’t live here.  Bottom line is that I don’t either.

Now I am back to square one with my wife calling her lawyer about the divorce cause we got in a fight over this.  I just hope that her mother shows up soon so that they can buy a house and get out of this hell hole.  I was even looking for a house myself.  If my wife is earning an income as well, we can easily afford the mortgage.  Now I have to start all over and try to woo her back.  My biggest problem with her is so gets soo mad so easily and she won’t admit after the fact that she was wrong, or said something in anger and will follow it through.  She is the most stubborn person I have ever met, and I married her.

Yesterday was an incredible day.  Which today…., of course everything decided to balance itself out.  Which in writing this now I have also realized that the date is the 13th.

I woke up this morning to find a parking ticket on my car.  As I figured I might but the alternative nearby spots had signs for towing the car.  I parked on the street which has a time limit until 7:30am.  Finally sleeping in a bed after several weeks in the car I slept like a baby and easily slept in.  I woke up at around 8:30, and left the house at 9.  The ticket was timestamped at 8:40.  I guess I should read into it that much.

I get around and go to the gym to take my shower and everything else.  While I am in the shower a 3-4 year old boy pulls open the curtain to poke his head in to ask what I am doing.  Probably the last thing I was expecting in a gym.  Then came the 20 questions, all starting with “why”.

“Why are you taking a shower?”
“Why don’ you take a shower at home?”
“Why, Why, WHY!!”

From my understanding the “Kids zone” which is a short term day care facility in the gym while parents are able to work out were watching him and he needed to go to the bathroom and they just let him go alone.  Its safe to say that they won’t be watching my kids anytime soon.

After the gym I ran to the DMV to renew my driver’s license.  They did all the paperwork and everything needed and then handed me a notice explaining that the state of PA has suspended my license.  They can’t give me any further information.  My license expires today so even after today it doesn’t even look legit.  They give me a number to call and I found out nothing more than it is suspended and due to the time difference its after 5pm in PA so there is no one to talk to.  I can only assume that at this point is they canceled it cause I tried to renew it after business hours in PA.

After going back home, (my parking lot), I download my e-mail and other daily checks that I do online.  One thing I noticed was that the cache I thought was a clever hide was not only found, but was found in the dark, and has been found by three people so far.  One explaining that they would of camoflauged it better.  I thought that I didn’t need to considering it was in a hole in the end of a tree branch, completely out of sight.

I sent my wife a text explaining about my day, and sit back and try to find something to pass the time and wish this day to an end.  Which came after my wife called me to give the ever famous “I told you so” speach, complaining about how I always wait until the last minute and to see where it gets me.  It’s not that she does the whole “I told you so” bit, its the fact that I keep giving her the oppurtunity that agravates me most.

You can’t have your ying without the yang. Karma does have its rebounds. The down side is in my life there is no grey area, or time spent in between. Its really bad…, or really good. After having so many days on the bad side, I have been well overdue for a good one. Today was that day!

I haven’t been sleeping well for the past week or so, mainly cause I am still a little shaken up from my car being broken into while I was inside, and I wake up to every little noise. This morning I only woke up once, and that was at 4am (7am in New York) cause my father sent me a text message telling me that my cousin had her baby. After going back to sleep I managed to sleep in until 9am. Which I haven’t done in months, so already I feel extra energized and rested.

I decided to try a different gym, as with my membership I can go to any 24 Hour Fitness center. The one I went to was a lot bigger and had a lot more showers where the one I had been using only had one shower. This meant I wasn’t as rushed and could just stand under the hot water and relax a little for a minute before getting out.

Then I went to the mall and walked around, stopped by the Hallmark store to buy an “I love you” card for my wife and my card was rejected, which I am playing off as a good thing. I was a little hesitant in buying the card and my wife hates me spending money and I wasn’t sure she would appreciate it much. Them refusing my card also threw up a red flag telling me to check my bank account and most other places would of charged my card anyway. (Later I learned that my insurance payment went through and it brought my account lower than I thought, but still positive).

Then at 3pm I went to my in-laws house and thought I was taking my daughter for the day, but due to my father-in-law taking the car I had no car seat and they left me to watch my daughter in their house. I was a little uncomfortable to do this but it turned out to be better cause my daughter fell asleep shortly after I got there and I didn’t have to spend any money to go somewhere.

After my wife got off work, her parents dropped her off then left leaving the house to the three of us, which we were able to sit down and eat like a family. Taking into consideration the deal me and my wife had worked out last night we took our first night of starting over.

Being able to hug and kiss my wife like a married couple, for the first time in over three months felt like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had a grin you couldn’t remove with a blow-torch. My daughter woke up for a little while after my wife got home and then went back to sleep so we were able to spend some time one-on-one with each other and talk. I gave her a massage as she was very tired and sore from working as her body is not use to working like she did. In the process of me giving her the massage she made the comment that she liked “boyfriend” better than “husband”, which I corrected her per our agreement that we would still call each other husband and wife. Other than that there were no disagreements, everyone was happy and I felt like I did when I was married, living in Tennessee, and didn’t have a brother-in-law living with us.

If nothing else this entire situation is an eye opener and allowing me to understand what my wife wants out of life. I am just sorry I had to go through all of this to realize it.

Of course the perfect day could end without a kiss, and my wife telling me she loves me.